an intellectual dillemma

I am stuck in a dilemma, and there doesn't seem to be a solution. This is an angsty ramble, a culmination of a sleepless night and countless hours of internal conflict.

the dilemma

Exams are near (within a week) and here I am, completely burnt out of the want to do conventional study- by this, I mean studying for exams and entrance tests and all that.

Some part of me tells that I should be more disciplined and focus on one task for now. A larger part of me fells me to go explore because it thinks that this scenario is limiting me from unlocking my potential. That larger part of me is curious, exploring and dedicated. After all, this is the natural state of humans [1].

My calendars don't work anymore. I often find myself doing something else: reading, editing, writing, organising my obsidian, instead of giving tests and revising. Don't get me wrong, I love studying, I love it. but I am against the system of studying FOR exams. Call me idealistic, I don't care, because this is an outrage.

what’s wrong?

Math appeals to me, so do writing, reading, creating my own website, publishing things, building a knowledge workflow, organising my system, planning, polymathy, philosophy, physics and imagination.

I often blame the education system for putting us into this place. We are deliberately dumbed down to confine into a conventional path, guided by the conservative society. Curiosity has been killed, imagination has been prevented.

JEE? NEET? No, I call it rat race. There's anger in me. And I can't seem to pour it out anywhere but in writing. I am thinking about my future, where I want to create something good, not "enjoy" with a nice "package"- with special reference to the Indian culture of education (and money grabbing)

We were not meant to enjoy, we were made to suffer. And in suffering, we find peace. We were made to contribute to the collective soul and do good. Yet, we stray farther and farther away from that.

I see people suffering from depression while preparing for JEE and NEET. In turn, they fail to prosper even after staying away from home to study for 1 year. They also consider going abroad. There they find the recurring crappy obstacle: money. They can't afford.

This bone-crushing competition and mindset of grinding FOR exams has crippled us, intellectually, mentally and socially.

What can you do then? What choice do you have? This is not a wealthy country.

Educate yourself, learn yourself and teach others, not to crack exams, but to solve the unsolvable.

Leonardo Da Vinci, Blaise Pascal, Einstein, Feynman, Edison, Tesla and hell our own Ramanujan were autodidacts. Not to mention countless others.

Autodidactism has lost its popularity, and so has the peoples' ability to think. I fear for the next generation if this trend continues.



Source

Many of my peers often discuss starting a new Renaissance, and while it is pretty idealistic, we are in dire need. We need some sort of intellectual reform. People are educated in the modern era, for sure. But they fail to become wise.

Peace?

This doesn't end here. I have not yet found peace. But through suffering, I will. I love my struggles, that's all. But I will not struggle for a worthless, trivial goal: the goal to prep for exams and getting a good career. I have my glorious purpose: to become a good human, and change the world.

And I will fulfil it, anyhow.

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Citations

[1] Ben Vandgrift says in his TED Talk, “People aren’t specialists by nature, people are polymaths.”